Right?

So as of late I been thinking a lot right, and I had an epiphany. I need to really start taking control of my life instead of just talking about it right? To say the very least, since I just about over-thought myself to death right, I'm scared out my mind. I have to do some serious growing up in the space of 1 - 2 yrs right and I'm going insane. All these little details right and I just can't stop coming up with new shit to ponder. Sometimes I wanna cry and just run away from everything right because to do that would make life so much easier. I don't like stress right or not having peace of mind. It drives me insane to constantly have something pressing on my mind right. Maybe that's why I keep going to bed so early these days, I tire myself out during the day with all this thinking....right?

Then I start wondering am I doing the right thing right? Or am I just thinking up some half-baked plan that in the long run I really will not be able to carry out right? Then I turn to God and ask him to be with me through the times ahead right and that makes me feel better for a while. People I talk to constantly tell me to not stress and don't go crazy over the things I can't control right? However I have little patience and I'm scared about my future which is coming full tilt at me, so even though I'm trying right, it's really difficult.

There have been things in the past right, that I've put my mind to and done. It's crazy because that I just got this firm determination in my head right and I made it happen. Maybe I can do this with my future too right? Maybe I'm so scared because I know a big change is coming to me right and it requires a lot of work on my part which is not so straightforward like it is in school. It's not like doing a paper, hoping I'll get a good grade, and then forgetting about it until I get it back right. Now what I do right, actually has an immediate tangible effect on my life and there's a real possibility that instead of getting a bad mark, things could really fall apart but that's the risk I'm taking...right? Can't stay in the same mode all my life right? I'm just so use to subtle changes right...I knew I'd have to do a big change for myself sooner or later...it's just that now that it's here...it scares me that it came so fast. It's taking some getting use to...you get me right?

I hope this wasn't too annoying, just trying to do a writing exercise and if I want to be a writer someday I need practice...right?lol I need to get started on writing my novel this summer and I'll be posting excerpts here, yay!

-Sha

Rose-Colored Flashback

I keep a smile on my face almost all the time. Almost constantly. Maybe that's why people act like the world is falling if I'm not smiling. I'm always laughing, always trying to stay positive but I have my moments. When it comes to relationships I'm pretty optimistic. I never put one person's sins on the whole gender, i.e. "Men are liars, cheaters!", that old chestnut.

There was this one guy who put a real hurting on me though. I'm surprised I was able to come out of it and not just put my heart on ice. He was an actor. Not an actual one in the sense of the word but he had potential. He lied to me so well I'm sure he believed at least 70% of his lies. Fed me so much candy...maybe that's why I gained weight while we were together? I lost it all a few months before we broke up though...but by that time I was disillusioned with him and love.

See when you're in love, that person is almost magical to you. They call you get happy and you're relaying that conversation in your head over and over. You drop anything to be with that person. I remember one time I let him come over and I had a final exam in 6 hours! Long story short, if you let 'em, when you love someone they can literally become your world. The love you have for yourself you actually find yourself transferring it to them.

I found myself giving up my love for myself to him because I started carrying more about his happiness than mine. However, once I realized that I was downright miserable, I tried to run from him as fast as I could. The trouble is, when that person loves you back in their own twisted way or the very least "cares very much" (the line my ex tried to get me to stay one final last time), they'll run after you and chain you down with the words (or somethin like it) "I can't let you go". In other words, you're trapped by your own love for them. A toxic and extremely unhealthy situation.

What this taught me is that human beings, when given too much power get corrupt. This applies to love because if you give someone so much of you. If they're not a person who can handle it, doesn't feel as strongly, or is just not a good person, it'll go to their head. Once they realize you're giving up your self-love to show them love, they take advantage plain and simple. My ex was the latter. One of those people who you know love you but for other reasons, decide to take advantage. In his case, he was a person dealing with a lot of demons and never had much love in his life. He was damaged goods. People like that are emotional vampires. They will take and take but not give you any back because they have none to give. So he took all my love, all my energy and only gave it back when he was in real danger of losing me. Nice huh? Sweet huh?

If you think that's romantic, you've been watching too many romance movies. If you haven't noticed by now, he was selfish. You know what finally made me axe him for good? He cheated. I found out through a casual conversation with a friend that he had cheated. For a long time I beat myself up for not leaving sooner but I commend myself now for leaving period. I know some females put up with emotional abuse like that for years and years.

I know it was emotional abuse because when I left him for good. I realized I no longer loved him. I had fallen out of love because his mask had come off. I was seeing him for what he really was. So I had an epiphany....the real him, I never loved him. I mean how could I? He was a loser in every sense of the word. I was in love with his potential. Yeah I said potential! It means you fall in love with what that person can be. Without realizing it you overlook everything that tells you that the potential is just that...potential, which ain't shit unless you put it to use. Moreover, when some dudes realize that they put on the mask I mentioned. They become everything they think you want them to be, but the mask has to come off sometime. Hence, why I say he was an actor.

So, I had come to the conclusion that the love had died. Hell, he could no longer so much as make my waterfalls splash, that relationship was DOOMED. Anywho, so what was the problem? I was recovering from the hurt, the pain he put me through. Especially cause in our last conversation all he said was "for what it's worth I'm sorry". That one line almost drove me insane. I mean, I find it hard to comprehend how some people are cruel for no reason. Much less, someone who puts you through the ringer and all they can say is 'Im sorry'. That's like making someone crippled and buying them a fruitcake to make up for it. I accepted it though. Accepted that beyond apologizing what could he do? The emotional damage was done and I just had to work through it.

Anyways jumping over my anger at his ability to do a number on me and ride off into the sunset, back to how I knew I was emotionally abused. It was like recovering from a disease. Or being in rehabilitation for an injury. There are days that are more difficult than others but it's apart of the recovery process. Once that recovery process is over I found that something as simple as breathing is more pleasant. You're not breathing with a heavy heart...you can breathe freely, literally. I had to forgive myself for a few things though. Letting him abuse me like that, compromising my self-love for him, but that's all apart of the process.

It helped me to heal, especially because before we got together I was a strong person. I had to revive myself again and I'm happy to say that I'm back at full strength. I learned that people only do what you allow them to do to you. Just because you love someone doesn't mean they have to have all of you. *exhales*

You'd think going through all that would make me bitter, it hasn't. It was a milestone relationship. I had to learn some hard lessons that I probably would not have learned if I hadn't gone through it. I didn't write this for me though. The things I wrote for me ya'll will never see lol. I wrote this for my friend who's going through the same thing. She's still in recovery but it's harder for her than it was me. I just hope she doesn't become bitter because if you become bitter you've internalized the pain. That means you never really healed.

I don't usually like digging up skeletons but I thought I'd let you people know a deeper side of me. More importantly, my homegirl's gonna read this and I hope it touches home with her. She was there for me when I was going through a horrible time in my life and I always return the favor. Anywho, enough about reflecting about the past. I have no idea where this ex is today and moreover, I don't care :). I haven't written in so long...this was a nice exercise. *blows kiss* Luv most of u ;).

-Sha

Homos and things of that nature...

I've been inspired! Finally! I was almost thinking of doing away with this blog. Thank God for today's TyraShow; that's my show! However, before I go off on a tangent of how much I love that show I'mma get into what I wanna talk about before I lose the fire.

So the topic for the bulk of the episode was about a gay 16 yr old who had an 'exorcism' done on him, which he says rid him of his homosexual 'demons'. They had the minister couple who did the exorcism (these ignorant fools call it 'the casting out of unclean spirirts') and a woman from a gay/lesbian support group called TrueColors which the dude reached out to before the church (or should I say small church cause lord knows the Catholic church ain't dumb enough to say HALF the shit they say...well not blatantly anyway). Eventually it sparked an argument between the counselor from TrueColors and the husband of the minister couple. That nigga (that's right the minister couple were black SHAMEFUL) was sayin' so much dumb shit I couldn't even get mad. It was that ridiculous. However, despite all that, what hit me is that Tyra asked the 16 yr old (his name's Jeffrey) if he was attracted to girls. What did Jeffrey say? "Uh..yea". SMH He said that while in the same breath saying he still has thoughts about men. Seriously? I felt so bad for this boy cause it's so obvious he was gay; I wouldn't be surprised if he tried to harm himself honestly.

What I always knew but finally have the concrete to back it up, is that in terms of sexual orientation you are who you are. You can change your behavior (meaning you can act gay/straight) but your orientation remains the same; it's who you are. The APA (American Psychology Association probably) came out with a study proving that and even went so far as to say, any attempt to change your orientation can actually cause you serious harm. I didn't even need this study to know all that but it's always nice to have shit to back it up.

This TyraShow episode aside, I am okay with homosexuals. Live and let live, do you, it's your life. I really don't have a problem with these people because that's what they are...people. It's like so many people forget that, which is why they feel the need to commit all these hate crimes against them. Forgetting that they're human beings. I don't care what the bible says because you can debate about the bible and the church's stance on homosexuality till dawn. The point I'm trying to make is that these people are constantly under fire for being who they are; hence why they are saying gay is the new black. I actually love gay men and I'm indifferent to gay women.

What kills me is that there are people who use being gay or bisexual as an accessory. Like it's "trendy" to be gay/bisexual. That's as annoying as those suburban white kids who listen to a couple Jay-Z, 50 Cent records and think they black, using the n word all outta turn and shit. I don't see dudes doing this for obvious reasons (gonna get back to this), but girls do it like it's the new 'thing' to do. Like them stupid bitches who kiss girls in bars for attention or to appear sexy to dudes. Or those bitches who think cause they're bisexual/lesbian that, that makes them cool or something. I have nothing wrong with those who are truly bisexual/lesbian. It's the one who rep that shit like a fresh pair of nikes. All up on twitter in their bio talkin about "I'M A LESBIAN SO HOLLA LADIES!" or something to that affect. Really? That is fucking irritating as when girls throw the pussy at a dude and get mad when he smashes saying 'he only wants me for sex'. Ugh, this is NOT what's hot in the streets cause at the end of the day...you look like a fuckin tag-a-long and an attention whore.

On the flipside, you have these homophobic dudes saying 'No Homo' after every sentence. Sometimes it's funny but most times it's completely unnecessary. WHY? That's the question I ask because let's be clear on something. If you not gay, why you so worried about other people thinking you gay? You a downlow nigga? You got latent homosexual tendencies? Or are you just 'curious'? Either way saying 'no homo' doesn't help matters. Despite anything that Cam'ron, Lil Wayne or whoever else is saying it nowadays will depict, saying 'no homo' after a "suspect" sentence does not make you automatically straight. You cannot say "Yo that dude got a nice ass, no homo" and expect me to not think you might be gay or at least curious. Let me be clear on something. I have absolutely no problem with gay men, so if you gay admit that shit. My problem is with these niggas saying 'no homo' to hide their gay tendencies, laying up in bed with women and sticking yo dick into another man's ass, while bringing home God knows what to yo girl/wifey. If you not gay then why the fuck can't you be secure in your manhood and say what you gotta say? If you know you not gay then what the fuck is the problem? I know for some of you it's just habit, but I'm talking about the dudes who say that shit so much you'd think they think it'll make their teeth white. Stop it! Stop it now! The more you say 'no homo' the more you will get that raised eyebrow of suspicion!

Switching gears now, if I were to have a child and have them come to me admitting that they're gay, I'd be upset. Not because oh I have such a problem with gay people, but because of all the hell they're sure to face in this world. Nobody wants to see their child go through that bullshit. It'll kill me if I see my nephew go through that shit because he's like my son (I have no kids though THANK GOD). I'll be honest though, my child or nephew being gay is something I would definitely need some time to adjust to, but that's cause my reality is a heterosexual one. Anything different, especially brought into my world by a close family member, will seem foreign and strange. Nevertheless, I can coexist with gay men and women just fine.

I will say though that I understand gay men but lesbians...I'm at a loss lol. I can't be no lesbian, I think I might kill her. Besides the fact that physically, women don't do it for me (I look down or in the mirror and BAM same shit), they sometimes get on my last nerves. All the mood swings and bullshit that come with females is irritating. I understand it because I'm a female so I may have an upperhand on the average male, but that don't make it any less frustrating. Like women who expect their men to be mind readers, the mixed signals, the moods (i.e. periods). Not saying that men are picnics but I think it would just be too much for me to be a lesbian. I think I may become a murderer. Just choke her one day like Wayne Brady: "Does Wayne Brady have to choke a bitch?" lmao. Nah fo real though, I don't have it in me. I just don't. What proved this to me the other day is that these two dudes I know, they were having a conversation amongst themselves about these chicks they know that they'd smash. I wasn't the least bit interested. I even said I wish I was a lesbian because then it would be vaguely intriguing.

To close, I think it's terrible the way gay people are treated (especially in the Caribbean, i.e. Jamaica? Ya'll have NO idea, they're actually killed for that by police no less...go listen to Buju Banton 'Boom Bye Bye' to get a better idea) and that this boy who appeared on the TyraShow is in pain. He went through an exorcism which entailed him being stomped on and beat upon by a bible, throwing up, etc, all because he thinks he's going to hell for being who he is. I just hope Jeffrey can learn to accept himself one day and not kill himself like a lot of gay, scared, confused teens do.

P.S. That Lil Wayne and Birdman pic up above is still funny as shit to this day. Guess where I found it? On a gay/lesbian blog website! HA! That's it for now. Deuces!

Sha

Superhead a.k.a. Karrine Steffans..SMH

Okay so a lot of you may or may not know who Karrine Steffans a.k.a. Superhead is. To give a quick rundown she use to be a video ho or video vixen, a euphism that people seem to like to use these days. I'll use video ho because she was a ho. Her first book she named about 10-15 singers/rappers among others that I can't remember, to name a few: Bobby Brown, DMX, Ja Rule, Usher, Irv Gotti, etc. She got the alias 'Superhead' because Jadakiss made the rhyme "I got a chick name Superhead/She give superhead/I called the super up, she even gave the super head" or somethin' like that. I think it was Jada who gave her that name with the rhyme...or was it Ja Rule? That's besides the point though. The point is she's written a couple of books talking about her adventures with these famous names, and has even come out with a third book 'The Vixen Manual' (read the title in the picture above), garnering moderate to pretty good success.

Now I'll be honest, I read her first book and some of her second book. The way she wrote it (let's just give her the benefit of the doubt and say she wrote it), it's written in such a way that the reader feels sympathetic towards her. Almost...empathetic when she talks about certain experiences in the book. However the fact remains that she's a ho. Ain't no ways about it that's what she is considering all the men she's been with past-present-(possibly)future. Nevertheless, I been indifferent to her...that is until I've seen her in interviews. Oh boy...where do I begin with this girl.

First off the thing about Karrine is that she's trying so hard to come off smart and professional, but she's not. In two separate interviews, she fell apart because she took offense to a question or comment the interviewer made. Just getting out of pocket for NO reason whatsoever. Now it's one thing to get frustrated if the person's being antagonistic but they just ask one question or say one thing and it's "You didn't read the book!" or "You're not doing a good job!". Really Karrine? That's the best you can do? Seriously where is this girl's publicist? Does she even have one? It just seems like she goes into these interviews thinking 'I'll just talk like I had maybe one or two years of college and people will take me seriously'. Did nobody tell her that most of the public views her as a ho and will not change their views of her anytime soon until she actually shows legitimate signs of intelligence?

What stood out to me the most is that in a radio interview, the interviewer was actually being pretty decent. He started to ask her about her past as a video ho to give his listeners some background information on who she is, fair enough right? Miss Karrine didn't think so. She went off stating that she's offended and the radio DJ lost it a little and said that nobody would know her if it weren't for her video ho experience. Can you believe this idiot said that they would? So not only is she an idiot but she's delusional. Who in the hell told this girl she was a celebrity on her own strength? Last I checked she used to suck and fuck dicks for a living. What has she done besides that, that would make her known to people? Go here for the radio interview.

To make matters worse she had another interview with the CW. The interviewers weren't being mean but things got ugly so fast it's not even funny. Karrine was there promoting her third book which, according to one of the CW interviewers, has actual sexual positions and descriptions within in it (I'll get to this in a minute). Once the interviewer started asking real questions about the book, this fool (Karrine) decides to turn on her bitch switch: 'You didn't read the book!' with this 'tsk tsk' look on her face (not surprising in a interview for her first book, when people actually asked questions about the content in the book she said the same exact line, coincidence? I think not). This leads to the other interviewer cutting the interview short and calling her 'a rumpshaker in a video'. Great job Karrine. Not only have you done nothing to further your image as a legitimate author, you just managed to give somebody (a white man btw) an excuse to demean you on tv because of your past. Yeah thought that one all the way through huh? Go here for the CW interview. *covers face in exasperation at this fool*

Now onto her actual books, the first one 'Confessions of a video vixen' was actually written in such a way that it made her look like a woman who had no other option to do what she did (suck and fuck to stay afloat, especially because she has a son). I didn't feel too bad about her until I saw and heard her in interviews. She was just coming off fake and stupid, sadly I see not much has changed. The second book I read a little of it when I was bored one day, but I didn't get a chance to get into anything really interesting. The third book I have not read but I think it's a dumb idea. 'How to find, seduce, and keep the man you want' is the title she chose for this wonderful little book. Seriously Karrine? Somebody enlighten me as to when she became a relationship expert. The way her first book was written, she made it seem like some of those men cared for her and maybe they did, but they damn sure did not respect her. In other words, a lot of them used her, I wouldn't be surprised if her shit was like throwing a hot dog down a hallway now. Keeping in mind all this, especially the fact that the man she said she's married to (remember Eddie Winslow from Family Matters?), is now soundly renoucing her and denying most of what she's said about them; who in the hell will seriously buy this book with the intent on getting tips from Karrine Steffans a.k.a. Superhead? She could maybe give you tips on how to tighten up your sex game (hey ain't no better teacher but experience) but beyond that, I'm lost. Excuse me for a moment *clears throat* Bitch what the hell?!...sorry sorry.

Enough about the books, let's talk about the actual impact she's had on the hip-hop community. For the most part it's been negative. There have been a few who have said more power to her because those rappers used her; I was one of them until I heard her speak and realized that most of what she says is scripted and when you ask her something outside of her script you see she's really a damn idiot but I digress. The people she's named in the book have either kept silent or very publicly denied her shit. This is why it is NO surprise that there is a documentary called 'Kiss and Tail', a hate-fest narrated by none other than radio personality and now tv host Wendy Williams (she's a topic all by herself). In it are a variety of people that Karrine has 'wronged' and 'falsely accused'. Keep in mind I don't have anything to say about the content because only God and her know the truth, so it's whatever that these people are coming forward all hurt and what not. Here's the trailer to 'Kiss and Tail'. OH before I forget, peep Darius McCray (Eddie Winslow)'s part in Kiss and Tail here, he makes a good point about her son and the sound's not quite in sync (looks like a badly dubbed martial arts foreign movie) but watching the vid ain't that important, just listen.

Why am I ranting about Karrine Steffans? It's not because she's a ho or because I think she's a liar or whatever. The debate of whether or not she's lying about anything she's put in her books is a whole other post that I will NOT get into. What I do have a problem with is the way she conducts herself. I'm all for bettering one's self and/or having a good hustle, etc etc etc, but is it too much to ask that she actually do the homework behind looking like an intelligent being and not a 'I'm just try'na get paid' ho? The way she acts I'm beginning to think so. It's like she's compelled to do shit to give people an excuse to call her a ho. What makes it worse is that she's self-righteous. I have seen her in many interviews defending what she's doing, which is fine, but it's almost as if she thinks because she wrote a book that makes her a legitimate author so people have to respect her. If only life were that easy. Basic human respect is what everyone is entitled to but respect for the person you are...well that's not so easy to come by. So if she thinks putting on a nice little front for Oprah and all these media people will work, she better come again.

In conclusion, if I were in Karrine's place I wouldn't feel any real remorse for putting all those niggas on blast. HOWEVER, I'd own up to my past and not get offended when someone calls me on or asks me about it. It's the truth right? I wouldn't act like I'm this good clean young lady who's honor you're defiling by bringing up all that shit. I'm not saying she can't keep the good girl act, I'm just saying she needs to stop acting like a fake dumb ho. Unfortunately, I think what I'm asking is beyond Karrine's power. I think I'm done, however my homie Freeze a.k.a. Zero a.k.a. whatever else he or somebody else feels like calling him, did a video on Superhead because of a video she did saying 'my life is not any of your business' *smh*. Need I say more? Just watch his video, appropriately titled 'Stupid Head':

Until next time. I know I'm not following any of the guidelines I set in my last blog but I don't care. My blog, my rules bitches.

Sha

Michael's Gone...

Okay so I was gonna do a post on something else because I'm seriously behind, but I just wanted to get this out. Michael Jackson, the King of Pop, the gloved one, the legend himself, etc etc...he's gone. I was having an alright day today. Got a few errands done, nice sunny day, and I come home to find out that one of, if not the best, entertainer of our time to ever grace a stage is gone. Ain't that some shit?

I remember talking to my father about how great Michael really is. How there will never and I mean NEVER be another entertainer like him. He was great. It's just that simple. I believe in reincarnation but somebody like Michael? I doubt he will come back to this earth, not during my lifetime anyway. I was reading my sister's website where she wrote an excerpt about Michael. An excerpt that summed up just how much of a legend that Michael really was:

I remember recently going shopping and as I searched through the racks; Billie Jean came on. Believe me when I say that everyone, from the cashiers, to the sales reps, to the other shoppers, were all singing along. By the time we got to the trademark “Hee-eee” we were so into it we didn’t care who saw us. That’s the power Mike had. Its expanse stretched to having people faint at his concerts in Japan, to just having a bunch of women wild-out in a store when his music was played, decades after it was first created. (niftychristian.com)

Name one entertainer today who can do that. Jay-Z? Beyonce? Kanye West? HA! None of them muhfuckers can hold a candle to Mike. They weren't fit to wash his drawers. So many artists, from all genres, have been touched and influenced by him. All imitators, but no matter how well anyone copied Michael's style, dance moves, etc, NO ONE could do it like the man himself.

Most importantly, Michael's music is timeless. Ten more years from now people will still be singing 'Smooth Criminal', 'Rock with you', and the list goes on. I admit, that being born in the late 80s I don't have as great an appreciation for Michael like my sister or my father, but I wasn't numbed by his loss any more than they were. I still can't believe it. What kills me is that my six year old nephew will only know Michael from afar. He'll never have the pleasure of seeing a performance from Michael on tv and feeling that familiar sense of excitement that us fans of MJ (which is most if not all of the world) know so well. All I can do is expose him to Michael and hope he gets a small ounce of the love everyone had for the king.

The throne is empty and it will not filled for a very long time. Many people will try to take the crown but alas, they won't be good enough. No one can say Michael Jackson was not among the greats. Whether you believe in an afterlife or not, I hope he's there looking just like that picture of him above. I want to remember him just like that. I always felt like I could never call myself a true MJ fan...not until today. I've watched Moonwalk countless times, seen Thriller even more (I remember I was so scared when I first saw it as a child, that I watched it through the spaces of my fingers lol), fell in love with Billie Jean and Rock with you (2 of my all-time favorite Michael Jackson songs), hell I even saw his more recent mini-movie Ghost. Yet all those times, I didn't feel like a true fan...not until I actually felt saddened when I saw the reporters on CNN discussing his death. That's when I realized just how much of an impact he's had...seeing as I usually feel nothing when celebrities pass away. I felt like I knew MJ though....I'm sure a few of you crazies feel the same way and then some lol.

Coming down to the end of his life, it was plagued with health, financial, and legal issues. For the record, I do NOT think Michael was a pedophile. I made jokes here and there you know, but that's cause I'm a joker. I tease everyone. However, the whole Michael and little boys thing just seemed so orchestrated to me. I'm not going to go into detail because I'll be here all night, but people were probably trying to take advantage of Michael his whole life. Why wouldn't they? The man was and still is the biggest name in the world. All I know is, I better not see the people trash-talking Mike, calling him 'Wacko Jacko' and shit (that name probably came from those nasty UK paparazzi), turn around and start boo-hooing talkin' bout "Oh Michael! You'll be so sorely missed!" blah blah blah BULLSHIT! That's an insult to his memory in itself you insensitive fucks. Don't be try'na run out and buy his 25th anniversary album just because he's dead. Just don't say SHIT. Damn hypocrities.

Let me rap this up. To my uncle who stole my sister's special edition Thriller album and tried to pass it off as his by having the BALLS to put his name on it, I no longer care for you as a person (never did actually) and you can choke on a fat dick. To everyone who really loved Michael and his music, have yourself a little mourning vigil. I know I will lol. I'm bout to play 'Billie Jean' right now. *Muah* Rest in peace Michael, they can finally 'leave you alone' (subtle MJ joke-> his real fans will get that ;)).

"I need a man to define me!" & "But I love him!"

Okay not too long ago my favorite gossip blog, BOSSIP, posted an item about Kim Khardisian. Have a look:

Kim recently fueled rumors she is getting engaged to her boyfriend, American football player Reggie Bush, when she admitted she had been looking for an engagement ring with her friends. The couple only celebrated their two year anniversary in last month, but divorcee Kim is determined to marry the New Orleans Saints running back. She said: ‘He definitely knows all of us went ring shopping. I definitely scared… …him and told it was probably way more expensive than it is, just so that when he goes he feels like he’s getting a good deal. ‘He knows what it looks like. I think I’ve emailed him enough pictures.’
(bossip.com)

Seriously Kim? Come on now! Sadly she's not the worst I've heard. There are lots of women out there DYING to be married. Maybe Kim is desperate because she's kind of a 'why buy the cow, when you can get the milk for free' type of a girl, but even so, desperation will NOT help. I repeat, DESPERATION WILL NOT HELP. If the man wanted to marry you, he would have proposed already...obviously, he ain't ready. No wonder movies like 'He's just not that into you' are so popular.

On the flipside, there are young girls and women who just cannot be by themselves. I know this one girl who used to my best friend (we cool but you know...people drift), she CANNOT be by herself for the life of her. If she was by herself, it was like she was deprived or some shit. Everytime I turned around she had somebody new (I think she's still with the last dude she told me about so maybe she's settled down...highly doubting it though). I mean damn...is a man THAT necessary to you people? I love men like the next heterosexual female but they're not my everything...trust me that ends badly. However, you can even find that shit on FACEBOOK. You know...them females that put 'married' as their status? Unless there's a ring, fuck outta here with that mess. STOP IT! STOP IT RIGHT NOW! I have to say this because desperate females don't know they're coming off desperate. Of course there are degrees of desperation: low/medium/severe, but desperation in any measure is NOT sexy.

Switching gears! I was reading the June issue of Essence magazine and they had an article about Battered women. You'd be surprised at the shit that women miss when it comes to men. I'm not gonna judge because I've learned first hand that in some situations, you can't speak on it unless you've been in it. HOWEVER, there were some stories in Esssence from black women who were with abusers; the signs they spoke about would give any woman with an ounce of self-worth the urge to RUN. All I can say is, love makes you do dumb/irrational things. I've been around dudes who seemed to have no qualms about hitting women and distanced myself one time. Now, I know the Essence article was to bring awareness about the issue and to send the message that women should not suffer in silence; but I think all of this pain and heartache can be avoided if you PAY ATTENTION. A lot of females do not pay attention to the things dudes say or their actions. Sometimes, you don't ask the right questions. That is IMPORTANT.

For example, in the Essence article this woman talks about her ex-abusive husband who, prior to their marriage, was practically stalking her, and another woman who talked about how her abuser went to great lengths to track her down and she took it as a compliment. Granted most of these women were looking for someone to love them or were in love, and when you're in that position you'll give a dude too much leeway. Never a good idea because most dudes, you give them too much rope they hang themselves. Can you tell I've been there, done that?lol Anyway, the point I'm trying to make is that some women overlook the flashing red signs because they either don't think they can do better or they're feeling the dude in question so much that he gets a pass. DO NOT GIVE ANY MAN A PASS! There are too many men in this world for you to be putting up with any low-life. I'm not saying give the dude a hard time, but at least be more critical of who you choose.

Common Signs: - controlling (i.e. "I don't want you wearing that outfit")

- tries to isolate you from friends and/or family (i.e. "I don't like that girl you hang around with it...she talk too much shit bout our relationship")

- slapping or hittingly you lightly (playfighting is one thing, but if he makes a habit out of hitting you or slapping you lightly for other shit...thats gonna get worse)

- sly putdowns (i.e. "You not gonna get anyone better than me, you know that")

....etc etc.

A lot of this sounds obvious but put yourself in a situation with a potentially abusive (whether that be physically/mentally/emotionally or all of the above) dude...you'd be surprised at how much you let slide. I know back in the day I let A LOT slide. It took some growing and training people on how to treat me to realize the shit I was letting slide. Take note though THESE THINGS START SMALL. So if your dude makes a seemingly harmless comment along the lines of the ones above, and you're offended? Don't think you're overreacting. Take him to task for it because you can never be too sure. He puts you down, saying 'its not that serious', he's not even hearing you = he does not care about your feelings. There are different levels/methods of abuse, it's not just physical. Thus, you don't like how your dude talks to you, put him in his place or keep it moving. END OF STORY. I know I know...its not that simple but you love you right? Don't forfeit your love of yourself for some dude <- learned that shit the hard way.

Why have I not mentioned the Chris Brown, Rihanna thing? Probably because I'm done with that issue. Rihanna's a fuckin' idiot. We all know she's just testifying because people are telling her she should. No respect for that girl. Chris "I'm not a monster" Brown...I already twittered (in the side column) bout how I feel bout that cocky lil fucker...he need to sit his high yellow ass in the corner. No remorse...you gets NO RESPECT EITHER. I get mad just hearing his songs on tv or if he's featured on a song on my iPod lol...which reminds me, I must delete those songs with him on it. I refuse to support that nigga in any shape or form.

To sum it all up, I had a friend in a physically abusive relationship. I watched her go through all kinds of abuse with that nigga. She left him because he tried to kill her (unintentionally according to his dumb ass). Sounds extreme but we are all human and you can easily be in a harmless situation which turns into a fight for your life. So what I'm trying say is...to all the desperate women, your mr. right (meaning someone right for YOU) will come along and if he does, don't pressure him because love doesn't work like that (refer to The Supremes 'You can't hurry love')...love you first, they will come :-) ; to the battered women, know your self-worth and BE CRITICAL of who you date. That's it folks. I ain't got nothin' more to say on this shit....well unless I feel like adding more *shrug*.

- Sha

**Next topics?: CNTM (Canada's Next Top Model), Shahrazad Ali and the Black Community (I need to do my research before I speak on this lol, for now watch the video below), Single Women VS. Married Woman (Tyra show episode)

**Music you should listen to: Wiz Khalifa "Ms rightfernow" <- Drake ain't got nothin' on him

**Video you must watch:

ANTM Post: Teyona Wins! Paulina Fired...Calls Tyra a Late Bitch

So another season of America's Next Top Model ends and I'm ecstatic because the winner I chose..WON! Teyona Anderson-> the picture above is her Covergirl shoot :). FINALLY a strong BLACK girl won! Yea that's right I said it! Okay lemme backtrack:

Anyone who knows me knows I am a complete ANTM addict. I'll have a million things to do but ANTM is not debatable, nor is it negotiable. I've been watching since Cycle 3 (no idea why Tyra calls the seasons, cycles) and my favorites: 3, 6, 8, and (this past one) 12. Favorite winners: Eva Marcille (even though she's doin' commercial shit with the Young and the Restless now). Dani Evans, Jaslene Gonzalez, McKey Sullivan, and...(of course) Teyona Anderson.

Back to the matter at hand, whenever there are black or spanish girls who are in the running, I root for them automatically. Can't help it...that's my blood *shrug*. Not racist, I just like supporting my peoples. However, to all of the people who thought the runner-up Allison should've won, you're idiots, all of you. That skinny white girl had NO personality, her walk was STILL wack, and she did not have the confidence a top model needs. I at least wanted Aminat to walk in the show with Teyona. THAT would've been a show. However, Aminat just did not know what to do in front of that damn camera. WTF?! FYI: There hasn't been 2 black girls in the top 2 since Cycle 3. So, when it was Allison and Teyona...yea Teyona's chances skyrocketed. Quite happy with the results :). The girl was an obvious good choice

Switching gears now, I came across a blurb on the gossip blog: bossip.com, about Paulina Porizkova (a judge on the show) who has come out and said she's been fired off the show. On top of that she has been quoted as saying:

“I must admit I was having a little bit of an issue with Tyra being late for every judging,” she told Billy. “It’s six hours later and I feel like I am being told my time is not as valuable as hers. They pointed out that I should shut up and be grateful for the job and that Tyra is really busy.”

“I think that my little hissy fits about ‘Well, we are all here on time. Why can’t she (Tyra)?’ didn’t go over all that well,” added Paulina, who replaced the previous judge, supermodel Twiggy. When asked if there might have been an issue that she was the only other woman on the judging panel, Paulina said she didn’t think that was the case, especially when it comes to Tyra. “I don’t think that in Tyra’s universe that’s even a consideration. I don’t think she cares,” she said. “I’m not even sure she was aware that I existed way out there in Siberia, much like I am not sure she knew Twiggy existed.”

And while Paulina and Tyra clearly didn’t get along in the professionallandscape, did the two have any off-camera conversations? “I wouldn’t know [what kind of person Tyra is] because all I know of her is literally when we are on set talking to each other in front of the cameras,” the supermodel said. “That is the only time she would speak to me.” As previously reported on AccessHollywood.com, Paulina first revealed the news of their squabble during an appearance on the “Late Late Show” with Craig Ferguson earlier this week. “Listen, do you know why I am in Los Angeles?… Because I am looking for a job,” Paulina told Craig. “I was fired by ‘America’s Next Top Model’ on my birthday.”

Seriously Paulina? SERIOUSLY? Translation: Tyra was a late ass bitch. So unnecessary. Okay so you were fired and you're mad. Fine I get that...but to go on television and let the whole world you're on a bullshit tip is never cute. Was it so hard for her to do the classy thing and keep it movin'? REGARDLESS of her feelings? Now I myself, love Tyra Banks...yet I don't know her personally. A lot of this sounds like exaggeration but some of it may be true. *shrug* Whatever that's not the issue. I'm not sad about this in the least though. I BEEN sayin' Paulina needs to get off the show. Sick of her mean ass. To be frank, she is a BITCH. She said some downright uncalled for things to the girls on the show. Go get some sex Paulina, instead of ventin' on some late night show about your unemployment blues. Somebody needs to defrost that old lady.

Something else I'd like to address, these haters on the bossip site sayin' that ANTM has run its course. People the show is second to American Idol in ratings alone. OBVIOUSLY it ain't going nowhere. So shut your asses up and find another show to watch. Really annoys me when people comment on something, waste their time, just to hate on something/somebody.

*exhales*

So that was my thoughts on ANTM. I do follow the Canadian version, Canada's Next Top Model. So if its any good, I'll blog about it :). It premieres May 26. Anywho thanks for reading! This blog was not to my liking because I'm not exactly the most alert right now (only got 7 hours in the last 2 days...hectic hectic week). HOWEVER, I shall leave you with some interesting gems. Enjoy!

- Sha

** New site to check out: www.thatblackgirlsite.com

**Music in my head: Letoya Luckett "Not Anymore"

**Music you should listen to: Musiq Soulchild "So Beautiful"

** Video you must watch: